Narcissistic Abuse: Tactics, Impacts, and Healing
Narcissism has been a hot topic recently. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation that aims to execute control over one person in effort to reduce insecurity in another. It can range from obvious to subtle and insidious but it uniformly leaves invisible scars that can take years to identify and heal. In this post, we’ll explore the tactics commonly used in narcissistic abuse, the mental health impacts survivors may experience, and how treatment can help facilitate healing and recovery.
Identifying Tactics of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is often subtle, making it difficult to recognize until significant harm has been done. Here are some commonly used tactics you may have heard of:
Gaslighting: This involves manipulating someone to question their reality, memory, or perceptions. Victims often feel confused and doubt their own judgment. This is done directly or can be done by using circular logic or a circular argument when tensions are high.
Love-Bombing and Devaluation: The abuser may initially shower their target with excessive affection, compliments, or gifts (love-bombing), only to later withdraw attention and replace affection with criticism or neglect (devaluation).
Triangulation: Introducing a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy, rivalry, or self doubt by manipulating the reality of one or more people.
Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors or intentions that the narcissist themselves exhibit.
Silent Treatment: Withholding communication or affection to punish or control.
Exploitation: Using the victim’s empathy, resources, or vulnerabilities for personal gain.
Understanding the Mental Health Impacts
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often endure profound psychological and emotional consequences. Some common impacts include:
Chronic Anxiety and Hypervigilance: Constantly being on edge, anticipating criticism, or walking on eggshells.
Low Self-Esteem: Years of criticism and manipulation can erode self-confidence and foster feelings of inadequacy.
Depression: Feelings of hopelessness and sadness are common, often stemming from a loss of trust in oneself and others.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and emotional flashbacks can develop as a result of prolonged abuse. Profound changes in a sense of safety in general or when with others, as well as loss in the sense of power and control over ones own life or mental health.
Difficulty Trusting Others: Survivors may struggle with intimacy and trust in all ranges of future relationships.
Cognitive Dissonance: The internal conflict between the abuser’s occasional kindness and frequent harm can leave survivors questioning their reality and their own perceptions.
Seeking Treatment and Repairing Damage
Not only is healing from narcissistic abuse possible—it is essential for reclaiming one’s life and sense of self. Here are some steps survivors can take:
Education and Awareness: Learning about narcissistic abuse helps validate the survivor’s experiences, gain back a sense of reality and control, and dismantles self-blame.
Therapeutic Support: Trauma-focused therapies, such as Brainspotting, EMDR, or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective in addressing the deep wounds caused by abuse. Therapists specializing in trauma and abuse can provide a safe, supportive environment for healing.
Setting Boundaries: Developing the ability to say no and maintaining clear, healthy boundaries are crucial for protecting oneself from future harm.
Reconnecting with Self: Survivors benefit from rediscovering their interests, passions, and strengths outside the context of the abuse.
Building a Support System: Trusted friends, support groups, or online communities for survivors of narcissistic abuse can provide understanding, encouragement, and connection.
Self-Care Practices: Prioritizing sleep, nutrition, exercise, and mindfulness can help stabilize emotions and foster resilience.
Encouragement to Seek Help
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, remember that you’re not alone. What happened to you was not love and it was also not your fault. The impacts of this kind of abuse are real and valid, but with the right support, healing is within reach. Seeking help from a qualified mental health professional can be the first step toward reclaiming your life and building a future free from manipulation and control.
Remember, recovery is not linear and it’s okay to seek help at any point in your journey. Your well-being and peace of mind are worth the effort. Reach out and take that first courageous step toward healing today.
Seeking a therapist to work through trauma, difficult relationships,
and build authenticity into your life?
Reach out to disconnect from dysfunctional relationships and self doubt, and step into the light of authenticity, transformation, and healing.
About the Author
Sara Walter Shihdanian (she/they) is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor specializing in trauma and gender + transition, providing virtual psychotherapy in Washington state. Her extensive training and unique expertise allows her to support clients who are ready for accelerated and lasting change.